btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
