I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
