guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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