Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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