Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
