Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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