Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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