Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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