Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
