omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
