the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
