Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
