I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
