I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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