just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
