Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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