Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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