Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were destined to go to rehab together
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
