this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
