Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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