i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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