Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
