Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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