Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need water and some morals
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
