just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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