It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
