I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
