I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
