all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
