she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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