I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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