Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
