forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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