My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
