Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
