I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
