so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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