I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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