Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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