oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
