Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's not a walk of shame if you run
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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