Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
