He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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