you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
