today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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