U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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