wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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