also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
