I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
