I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
