I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
