dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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