Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
