I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize