the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize