New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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