just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
