i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
