I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
