took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize