And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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