when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What a dumb baby whore.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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