Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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