Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
