Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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