I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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