My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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