Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
