Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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