Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Mom said you looked used
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
