So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
