How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
