i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
