Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
