I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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