Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
