Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
