I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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