I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
