Don't you send me to vm
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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