i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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