I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
