She is in my trunk
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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