this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He shit in the fireplace
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
