guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
