I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
