i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
