just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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