In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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