whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
